Hello...Stranger!

Okay, I don't know what else to say other than...guess who...no, not some stranger...it's me! I'm sorry for the delay...it's been a long time...too long! I don't know what to say...I can offer excuses and honestly say I've just not found the time or made the effort to log on and make posts. But here I am with an update and some pictures...yay!
We've been doing well. Spence has been gone for a few weeks for military training but he recently made it back safely. Selah and I had family come visit and enjoyed that. She is staying healthy and is growing so much. She has started standing/bearing weight on her feet a lot more...still with some assistance. She is also now not walking but running when you put her in her walker. As of yesterday, she declared it "baby proofing" time by not once but twice, trying to stick something in the outlet. She is teething at the moment so she's more irritable than usual but nothing Tylenol can't help :). She is also starting to really try to use some signs (sign language) we use routinely...not without a lot of praise to accompany her efforts ;). And, I'm sure I could go on but I'm tired and my mind is drawing a blank. On that note, she's not resting well at night or during the day...more often than not. This is something that has been going on for a long while now. I pray for rest for her and also for us and sometimes it comes and sometimes it doesn't. So, all that to say, I'm really winding down for the night and my mind is not very "fresh." Hoping the pictures will make up for that :)
Before I share the pics I want to say thank you so much more than you know for your continued prayers and support. I'm truly humbled and honored that I'm able to share in these moments with Selah...and with Spencer. I'm also thankful to have the opportunity to share with you! I will do my best to post sooner rather than later this time....

15 months old now!!

She's tolerating standing so much better now...even smiling while doing it :)

One of my favorites...she really likes riding in her wagon. We rode down to the water and half way back up
to the house Stud gave out so he got to ride the rest of the way back with Selah

This is Selah on the Fourth of July last year...2011...wow! I came across this picture and it
took my breath...I'm humbled and in awe of how far God has brought this sweet baby girl...

We truly appreciate you...thank you!

Road Trips

Hi, hope all is well with you?! I know I'm delayed in giving you an update...sorry. Selah's procedure went so smoothly and we were in an out that morning. The doctor said it was so weird because he got no resistance when he put the bigger trach in. Spencer and I tried at home and at our visit with him and we all felt the resistance and the bigger trach not going in. So, when he said it went no problem we all just laughed and looked at each other. The doctor also said her airway and stoma looked good...so relieved. I know it's an answered prayer and I'm so thankful! Thank you to all you faithful prayer warriors for lifting this need up...God answered...

On another note, we've been able to take two road trips so far this summer. We went for the day to New Orleans (NOLA) with some of my family and then we went all the way to Memphis for a wedding. Both trips were fun...a little tiring but enjoyable. I'm thankful to report that our trip to Memphis was uneventful...meaning this in a good way...and we enjoyed it and made it home safely. Our day trip to NOLA was fun and had a few little adventures that made it memorable.

These are some beautiful gals!!

They stood by the sign at the aquarium that says, "Closed on Monday." All but Meg have their "sad" faces on...well Spencer looks like he may be giving a little smirk :)

Had to post because such a good pic!

My family came into town from Alabama and we planned to go down to NOLA for a day and to see the city and most importantly to go to the aquarium...knew Selah would enjoy it. I assumed that they would be open and ready for our arrival. The Sunday night before we went I checked online to find out their hours, prices, etc. I found out though that they were closed on Mondays...say what??? My family partly planned their trip around going to NOLA and the aquarium. Only because I didn't check on it earlier...like I told them I would...were our "dreams" squashed, lol. We were all disappointed but had to laugh about it. We came to the conclusion that NOLA is apparently shut down on Mondays...needs to recover from the weekend...only meant in a nice way. :) We all decided, that since my cousin hadn't ever been to NOLA and we promised we'd take her, that we'd still make the trip down. We went for the day and had a good time. The weather was pretty nice...not too hot. We enjoyed walking around and just taking it all in. We got to sample some good NOLA food and see some of the local wildlife...big rats, ha. We also played a guessing game as we walked throughout the city...my uncle and I would step over puddles or streams of unidentified liquid and he'd say, "I wonder what that is?" I'd reply, "Not sure but we probably don't want to know!"  I must lastly say that I'm so ashamed to admit that I was the ONLY person pushing a baby stroller down Bourbon Street...at a very fast pace, might I add. Spencer was holding Selah and we'd approach a less than baby appropriate poster or business and both just quicken our step. We wanted my cousin to say she's been to Bourbon Street...even though it's much different in the middle of the afternoon than during the night hours. I had to laugh though as we were fastly walking with Selah and baby carriage..it's a memory! We both agreed that it's not exactly "baby friendly." Anyway, I say all this not to knock the city...at all...but if you've ever been you know that it's a "fun" city where lots of people come to have all different kinds of fun...probably different fun than when you're on a family trip or have a sweet baby on your hip...ha that rhymes!  :) We really did enjoy our day trip though and even more our sweet family coming to see us!!

Thanks again for your continued prayers and support!!

More Videos

This is Selah "brushing" her hair. We had just finished bath time and I was getting ready to brush her hair. I talk to her about when it's time to brush it and show her the brush. At first she'd cry when it was brushing time but she began to reach for the brush so I gave it to her and guided her hand to her head. She taps on her head more than using brush strokes but she's trying. I tell her to brush the other side and point and she'll switch hands and "brush" that hair. She, of course, enjoys the praise and knows she's doing something good. I realized that if I only show her things then it doesn't take long and she catches on. I'm bragging i know...can't help myself :) Again, overlook my annoying commentary or chatter...just comes along as part of the videos, lol!

This is just another video of her "talking" to me. Thankfully she has been tolerating her speaking valve pretty well. ;)

Thanks for your continued support and prayers! Love to you!!

Update

Hi! I've been meaning to post an update and have let too much time get by. We met with the craniofacial team at UMC to discuss the updated CT images and their recommendations, etc. for Selah's jaw surgery. Basically they told us that Selah's lower jaw is so severely recessed and so there's so little of it there that a jaw distraction isn't an option...unless it's an absolute last resort. They want to monitor her for the next several years and see if there's any lower jaw growth. We're not supposed to see them again until next year when they want another CT scan done. They also talked like a rib graft procedure is more appropriate for her...rather than a jaw distraction. So, we're not sure what's best or what to do with the information. We are definitely going to look into other opinions and consults at other locations but we're just not sure where that is yet. We are praying we know God's leading each step of the way.
We also saw her ENT and he said it's time to change her trach to a bigger size. She currently has a 3.0 trach and he wants her to move to a 3.5 size. We change the trach (3.0) each week at home(so it's a clean one each week)and it's something we're more comfortable with. This week we tried to put in the bigger size trach (3.5) and it did not go smoothly though. We tried it here at home and it wouldn't go in. We called our ENT's office and he worked us in on Thursday so he could change it for us. He tried and also couldn't get the bigger trach in. He was putting a lot of pressure on it as he was trying to put it in and it wouldn't go. He looked concerned and said that he's not ever encountered a trach not going in like this. He said, because her current trach size is still ok, it's not an immediate issue. As she keeps growing though it will become more of a concern because she will need bigger trachs as she grows. He's not sure what is going on in her airway, etc. that would be causing the resistance and not allowing the trach to go in. He is going to have her come to the operating room and do a Bronchoscopy...spelling??..procedure to look in her airway and see if he can figure out what's up. It should be an outpatient procedure and hopefully not much to it. It will depend on what he finds out though. She will have to be under sedation/anesthesia too. The procedure is scheduled for the end of the month. So, we're trying to be hopeful that it's not anything to be too concerned about, but it is still hard at moments to not worry. I just want my sweet girl to be okay...only God knows my deepest heart's desires...
We truly appreciate your continued prayers...thank you!

Selah In Action!!!

Hi! I am not going to lie and tell you I figured out how to get the videos from my phone to my computer...because I didn't. I do know how to get them from my camera to the computer though...can I get some applause..haha! Anyway, here's a short video of Selah using her sweet voice and just having a fun time while we were looking out her window. She's not as loud as she can be but if you listen closely you'll hear her "talking." And, I sound like a dork so please just overlook that...ha! Hope you enjoy it as much as I have. :)

Good Report

Hi!
Thank you for your prayers! Just wanted to let you know that my doctor's office called to let me know that the breast ultrasound didn't show a mass or mastitis. They said it showed that my ducts are dilated and there is inflammation going on. I'll keep taking the antibiotic and go back for a follow up visit in May. They said at this time there isn't anything to be too concerned about.
I was thankful and relieved to hear this report. I don't know why I think I should be immune to a sickness. This experience was a humility check and a reminder that no one is immune to tragedy, heartbreak, illness...life. My mom always said while we were growing up, "Life isn't fair." I didn't really grasp the concept until I've gotten older and lived life...life happens and it's not fair. And although it's not fair, I'm learning that as each day brings circumstances that are unexpected and that take us by surprise, things that turn our world upside down, things that we may never understand, it also brings blessings and reasons to be grateful for how blessed we are...reasons to smile and just soak in the moment. I'm also learning that the more I seek God and the more I try to trust Him and hope in Him, then the more I'm filled with His peace and joy. I am truly joyful for this good report. I only pray that with each day to come, no matter what it presents, that I will stay close to Him and be overflowing with joy...with thankfulness...
Thank you for continued love and support!! You're a blessing to us!!! :)

Always and Forever

***Disclaimer***
This post is gender sensitive...if you're a male and maybe some modest females...you will probably want to pass on reading this post. If you proceed then it's at your own risk... :)

I have to start with a bittersweet goodbye to my favorite hobby...pumping that hooter milk! For the past year I've been able to pump milk...hooter milk is what Spencer calls it...and am so thankful I could do this for Selah. She is having to transition to other feeds now and so I must say goodbye. I have so many memories that have to do with pumping and if I could only tell you in person, you'd be smiling too. I've had Spencer on one hooter and my mom on the other, both kneading and trying to get the hooter milk to come out, after I had Selah and was engorged. I would hold the pump bottles while they each massaged...this happened for several days. And, I bet if you asked Spencer if he'd ever imagined that was something he and his mother-in-law would join forces in doing, he'd laugh and firmly say, "no." But, as we've learned...never say never. :) I've pumped in so many places...spreading the love, ha....Ross bathroom, dentist office bathroom, backseat of the car, front seat of the car...Lindsey :)...and the list could go on. I've pumped while Spencer has walked around singing the Black Eye Peas song...Pump it Louder. I've pumped night and day for the past twelve months, but now it has come time to say goodbye to my hobby. I say with excitement for the freedom from it but also with sadness in knowing I won't provide Selah with it any longer, goodbye dear friend...hooter milk...:)
OK, well now that all that is said I'll go on to say I've been trying to dry my milk up over this past week. I found a lump that has been there but was much more noticeable. I asked my doctor about it and she worked me in for an appointment to check it out. She examined everything and she agreed with me that it makes sense that it's mastitis...since I'm concluding pumping and trying to dry up the milk. She gave me an antibiotic too to treat any infection. She is thankfully very thorough and didn't want to dismiss it so she referred me for a breast ultrasound to make sure it's not anything to be concerned about. I had that done on Friday and I am waiting to hear back on the results. The ultrasound tech wouldn't give up any information but she did say it's usually a good sign when they let you go without a biopsy or mammogram...which I didn't have to have either one. So, I'm just waiting on the results.
I can't say it didn't take me by surprise. I heard that drying up the milk is not fun...painful, etc. I thought I probably had mastitis and that I'd need an antibiotic. When she examined me though and thought it was better to confirm it wasn't anything else I was not expecting that. Thoughts and emotions began whirling around in my mind. I mean how can that be...the possibility of me getting sick...it can't be...Selah needs me and I need to be strong and healthy for her and Spencer. I left the doctor that day and just felt...humbled. I looked at her sweet smile and her beautiful blue eyes and I just cried. I am so thankful and honored to be here with her...to have this time. I talked to Spencer and heard his strong voice and felt such gratitude that I'm blessed with his love. I have kept going through all the reasons that this wouldn't make sense.
I went for my breast ultrasound the next day and Selah had to roll with me. She of course won all the nurses over...they don't have many babies come there. I saw older ladies, middle age ladies, young ladies...all ladies that were a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend...a beloved child of God. I saw them and wondered what each of their stories were...what season of life they're currently in.
So, I had the ultrasound done and now I'm waiting to hear back. As I mentioned earlier, they let me go without further assessment so hopefully that's a good sign. I've tried to just not to dwell on it or what could be. I've tried to pray about it and to ask for prayer from the precious prayer warriors in my life. I've asked God to just take all that's not of Him and to fill me with only Him...His peace, His trust, His hope, His faith, His joy. As I've prayed and had quiet time with Him, He's been speaking to my heart and quieting all that threatens to start raging in me...worry, despair, helplessness, uncertainty. I was reading in my devotional this morning and it was further reassurance from God that He's working and orchestrating it all for His good...for His glory. A verse that has been consistently presented to me over the past several days is found in
Psalm 13:5 "I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." I was reading this morning and again this verse presented itself. God spoke to me that He is my perfect...savior, friend, Heavenly Father...and that I am His beloved daughter...always and forever...no matter what...in all things. I read this with the reassuring hope of His presence right now...in this moment...whether it's as I plan on or not...in the moments to come...always and forever...