Sunday, April 19, 2015

Into the Depths...What Then?

So, I'm not back with an update at this moment. I'm waiting to hear back from two different specialists and hoping in a couple of days I will know more of our upcoming plans and then can share that with you. In the meantime, prayers for wisdom and discernment for Spencer and I to know what's the best next step for Selah's care are very much appreciated! 
Now on to what's been on my heart lately and what I've been led to share. I feel like I don't really go too "deep" any longer, since I've welcomed our little miss prissy. I'm not sure why that is but I do want to try to obey God's leading when He calls me to share something. Please don't take it as I mean poor me, I've got it so bad...because I don't and that is NOT my intention! :) Moving on, so hear it goes...
I'm not sure about you and your story or what you've experienced but I can speak for myself and say that it seems the older I get, the more disappointments, more misunderstandings, more hurts, and more uncertainties I encounter. It seems like as life happens I have and am quite often finding myself in a circumstance or season of life that leaves me silently (and often out loud) shouting, "what now, what then God?" I'm not sure why but I've had a couple of examples that have persistently come to mind that I will give you..and I hope it makes some sense. I guess it's kind of like role playing of sorts, ha...
You're just a kiddo who desires for your home to be anything but broken and for the parents you have to be just that...adults who don't let their issues and battles overcome the stability and security you so long for...leaving you more vulnerable then you really ever realize. Or as a young adult you start to come back to the Heavenly Father you've strayed so far away from and are viciously presented with heartache that you didn't ever imagine and that is far from the idea that everything was supposed to work out all peachy and smelling like roses. And then, the stink of life and brokenness and hurt just threatens to consume you day after day..and the bitterness and hurt is more than the good in life. Moving on to the loss of dreams and plans and hopes you have for your sweet baby that's on the way and trying with all that is in you to give thanks and to trust and to know and believe and see God's hand on it all...yet it hurts and you want to fix it and make it easy and wonderful and you can' matter how hard you try. So, you begin this journey already tired and weary and you keep trying to cling to His promises and to stay close to your Lord and Father and yet you still feel so far away...and fight a fierce battle each day, throughout the day, of insecurity and worry and hopelessness...because it's not the plan you had or this isn't the "best" you had played out and figured out...what then?
Well, my only response to this is what God has consistently, in His mighty grace and sovereign power, reminded me of and that is that when I, and maybe yourself, are left standing there or kneeling there or cradled there in the fetal position, He is there in the depths...He knows and He is there. The then that is to come and even the present moment is all in His loving hands. I believe that and with all that is in me I pray He helps me to keep clinging to that. He is able and He is faithful...
With this I leave you one of the most powerful promises in least I believe it is. I pray that as you read the words, maybe out loud or out of an actual living and active Bible, that hope just floods over you. Lastly, this is the notation that my Bible has written to accompany this verse..."God's love is total. It is wide and covers the breadth of our own experience. God's love is long and continues the length of our lives. God's love is deep and it reaches to the depths of discouragement, despair, and even death. You can never be lost to God's love..."

Ephesians 3:16-19 
"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in you hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God"  

Much love to you...I will be back soon!;) 

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