Sunday, March 16, 2014


Hi again..thought I'd give a little update. We were scheduled to go to Orlando this past week for follow-up appointments and for some diagnostic procedures. The day before we were supposed to leave Selah fell very hard and hurt her nose. After an extended ER visit and a CT scan, we were told her nose wasn't broken. It was very bruised and swollen though and a possible fracture hasn't been ruled out. So, because some of the procedures would've involved her nasal cavity we had to cancel the appointments. We are working on when we will reschedule everything.
She has been falling a lot more often over the past month or so. She doesn't put her arms out to catch herself so typically her face and trach take the impact. This time her nose seems to have taken it all!:( It's much better though than it was on Monday! We are working with Selah's physical therapist because Selah's feet and ankles are turning in badly. This does cause her to stumble and fall a lot. We're starting to try different inserts in her shoes and so far the first pair hasn't helped. We're supposed to try a different pair tomorrow. We also have an appointment scheduled in April with our Orthopedic doctor to have x-rays and to look at her ankles and feet. And, we'll also see the neurosurgeon again because they mentioned that her falling frequently can be a sign of something that needs to be checked out. So, we'll see. I know toddlers fall and get bumps and bruises but seeing her fall on a routine basis and really hurt her face, trach, etc. isn't fun. She is a tough girlie though...a lot tougher than her mama!!
So, that's been our action for the week, ha. I am going to be honest and say I was relieved that our trip  was postponed. I hate not getting to see Spencer's grandparents but I was glad that the procedures and the next step closer to surgery were put off...just one more time. Most people probably don't get that...even Spencer feels differently than I do. I can't help it though. If I could avoid any type of surgery, pain, hospital stay for Selah, then I would. While Spencer sees the long term goal and outcome, I see the invasive surgeries, pain, sedation for prolonged times while she recovers, possible risks and complications, and so on. I just see my sweet baby, who is so full of life and love, hurting and rather than being a kiddo, spending time in the hospital. It just hurts my heart. And, yes I would love to see Selah take a big bite of food or I would melt if I could hear her sweet voice say mama and I love you, but I can't get past what all it will take for that to happen...I just can't!
This is where God comes in and I have to continuously say take it God please, take it and hold her tight and don't let go. I know His truths and promises and I believe but oh sometimes my mama's heart and emotions try to take over...I have to say it's your's Heavenly Father....and surrender yet again...
And, on that note...kind of...I've had so much on my heart here lately in regards to some of the trials others are going through. Some of them are close friends or family and some are just prayer needs that have brought to my attention. Either way, it's weariness, and darkness, and grief, and loss that  surrounds those going through it...trying to trust, trying to keep faith, trying to surrender...
To my sweet cousin and her parents who have been on a long journey and still have further to go, to those friends who have had to watch their precious little one's life come and go and yet they still have so much love to give them, to the friends who have suddenly and so unexpectantly had to see their dear mama leave this world with so many memories left to make, to so many others dealing with life threatening illnesses and battling deep depression, and I can go on...  I lift you up and in Jesus name I continue to pray for comfort, hope, and peace...beyond any your surrender...

"Broken Hallelujah" by the Afters
I can barely stand right now, everything is crashing down, and I wonder where you are.
I try to find the words to pray, I don't always know what to say, but you're the one that can hear my heart. Even though I don't know what your plan is, I know you're making beauty from these ashes.
I've seen joy and I've seen pain and on my knees I call your's my broken Hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold on to, I raise these empty hands to you...Hallelujah.
You know the things that brought me here, you know the story of every tear, 'cause you've been here from the start. Even though I don't what your plan is, I know you're making beauty from these ashes.
I've seen joy and I've seen pain and on my knees I call your's my broken Hallelujah.
With nothing left to hold on to, I raise these empty hands to you...Hallelujah.
When all is taken away, don't let my heart change...let me always sing Hallelujah.
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased...let me always sing Hallelujah.
I will always sing's my broken Hallelujah.

Psalm 33:20-22 "We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you"

Until next time...thanks so much for your continued prayers and support...much love to you!!!