I've meant to get on and update you but I've not done so well..sorry! We've had some busy past few weeks. Selah's reflux continued to get worse despite all the measures we were taking. So, we all decided that it was best to proceed with stomach surgery for her...to try to help the reflux. It was something Spencer and I were hesitant about proceeding with...initially...but it just seemed to be more confirmation each day that it was the best thing to do. So, she had the Nissen Fundoplication...probably misspelled...done last Friday, Nov. 4th. The surgery went well and we are back home now and we are thankful for that. She is still fussy and not herself really...don't know if she's still sore or tired...unsure. We pray she'll continue to be healed and feel better. We had to come home on a different feeding method than what we're used to. We're gradually increasing the amount of her feeds as well as trying to get her back to how she "used" to feed...hard to explain what's different. We pray she'll continue to tolerate it all and that we'll be able to transition her before too long. So, that's where we're at. We are all tired but SO thankful to be home!
Selah is a tough girl and she definitely gets her "spunk" honestly...unfortunately it's from me :). She seems to be hanging in there and we are not living in continuous streams of projectile vomit...yeah! That is a blessing! We just want her to feel better and smile and be the happy girl she typically is...gets the gentle and laid back nature from daddy. As I type that it reminds me of something God has been teaching me today and here lately...hope I can make it "flow" together...
Today at church the message was base on James 4:13-16. Our pastor discussed how our life and time is not really ours to manage or control....how short life is. I came home and read over the scripture again. As I read it and prayed, God spoke to me as I journaled. He spoke that things that come into my life, through the different seasons, do not need to be feared or dreaded. He spoke that often I fight things that I don't like or things out of my routine or agenda and that I freak out in the face of uncertainty. I thought about this and prayed and just begged God to help me. I don't want to fight any longer. I don't want to leave the legacy for Selah as a woman who is grumpy and discontent when things are hard, uncertain, or not going according to my ways. I want to be a woman who may not like it all or understand it all but yet praises God, trust God, thanks God, and rest in God...in ALL of it. He spoke that it's in these times...when things are hard, I'm tired, it's not ideal...that is when it counts, that's when it matters...how I react and what I do with my time.
Now that she's had the surgery and we're back home it seems that although I'm thankful she's not vomiting, I'm not content with not feeding her like "normal" or because I'm so tired or she's not herself. I heard today's message and read on my own and God just reminded me that He has got it. He spoke not to dread it or view it as something else that's not right but to thank Him instead. When I thank Him then He becomes the focus...His power is invited in...I'm reminded that although this is so unnatural and hard for me, He knows that and yet when I am intentional about doing it...He is able to do more than I can fathom....
Now, I began to think of another teaching "lesson" that happened just before her surgery. The vomiting began to interfere with her sleeping at night and in the day. This one day she was so tired and so fussy. I put her down for a nap and she just kept fighting it. She cried and fussed and vomited and was so upset. I wiped the vomit away and suctioned her and tried to clean her up. I tried to calm her and tell her it was ok...with little success. I sat down beside the bed and just let her lay there. I silently prayed and spoke to her..."Selah, quit fighting it, fighting me. Just close your eyes and rest. You need it baby and I'm hear and I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to protect you and I love you. Please just rest." As I sat there with tears streaming down my face, God spoke, "Blair, quit fighting it, fighting me. I AM...I am not going anywhere. I am here to protect you and her. Blair, rest in me, let go and just rest." I just sat there and tried to just let these words, this truth just penetrate through everything else.
On another note, we were supposed to go to Arkansas for a consult about her jaw surgery the week she had the stomach surgery. That trip was postponed until we hopefully get all this settled. We will meet with the new doctor joining the team at UMC in December hopefully...to discuss the jaw surgery. We may also reschedule the consult at Arkansas. I figure nothing in regards to the surgery will be pursued until after the holidays. We hope to enjoy being home over the holiday season.
We cannot tell you how much your prayers and support mean...thank you so much more than you know! Much love!!!