So, if you read the previous post you know that we have a "plan" in place for delivery. I am relieved to know that we do but at the same time my mind has been racing with all the "details." Being the control freak and "planner" that I am, I am struggling with wanting to have it all worked out...each detail, each piece of the puzzle fitting together just so, knowing how it will all fall into place...yeah right!!! If I have learned anything, and am still learning, it's that I am not even the slightest bit in control. I still strive to be and struggle with this though. I tried to sleep last night but it was a restless night. My mind raced from thoughts of are we doing the best procedure for us, to how will Selah do, to will my babies (dogs) be okay for so long without us, to many more worries and anxious thoughts. I thought about the procedure and the risks they discussed, the recovery associated with it. I thought about Selah and if they will get an airway for her and how things will be for her. I thought about the NICU and just wanting to be able to bring her home right away...healthy and happy. I thought about Spencer and all that he has on him right now...trying to balance work, the military, completing the remodel at the house, taking care of me. Do you get a little of the whirlwind that has been going through my mind. Needless to say, it was a long restless night.
I awoke this morning and started by praying that God would just help me let it all go. I read my devotional and it was the word I needed to hear. God spoke that he is a God of infinite resources and abilities. He is the everlasting God and he does not get weary or grow tired. So, it is not my strength, my ability, my resources that has to "figure" it all out or work it all out. He knows all about it and is in control. He reminds me yet again that when I look to him and pray to him about all of it...boy have I, then he will help take the anxiousness and worry and instead replace it with peace. When I keep looking to him and call on him and really trust him then he will continue to work for his good and purpose, on our behalf. The verse in Ephesians reminded me that he is my heavenly father and he can do so much more than I can "plan" or strive for...if I just trust him.
Ephesians 3:20 "Now to him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY more than we can ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within us."
I read a quote tonight and immediately thought of you and all you've been through/are going through..."We can count on experiencing trials that will test our testimony, our obedience, and our faith -- because how do we know if we really obey, if we really want to be honest and chaste and virtuous, and if we really believe in Jesus Christ, if those things aren't put to the test?" You are a great woman of faith and you've been such an example to me. It's difficult to be wading in the unknown, but I think you're doing a darn good job navigating! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteGreat verse!! That is the very one that Jeff and I leaned on during our journey with Addison. You and Spencer are in our prayers. Please do not hesitate to call on us at anytime. We want you to know that we love ya'll and are hear to help in any way possible. Love!
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