Hi!
Hope this finds you doing well. We are good. I thought I'd start by updating you on what has happened recently. We had the CT scan scheduled a week or so ago. We've rescheduled it twice though because Selah has had a cold and the CT nurse said it isn't safe to sedate her with the cold and extra secretions and mucus. So, we moved it to March in hopes that she'll be all "clear" from the cold. She is feeling better, thankfully! We are truly thankful that she has been so healthy...such a blessing! We will take the cold over what could be...just have to remember that on those nights of up all night suctioning with no sleep, ha. After the CT scan we will meet with the doctor and team to discuss their recommendations, timeline, etc, for the jaw surgery. It's just been delayed a little bit. Honestly, I can say that I don't mind. I'm so thankful for this time at home with her and just was relieved to not have to have her go have sedation, a short hospital stay, etc. I know it is something we have to do but I believe God knows the desires of my heart and is working it all out....I'm thanking Him. :)
Now on another note...
I've been thinking lately about the support and prayers we are honored to have in our lives...thank you! I've also been seeing a consistent message in my devotional, messages at church, and in other sources. I'm humbled by God's persistence and willingness to pursue, to teach, to grow me...if only I let Him. God has been reminding me of the power of prayer and the power of not only embracing the support but also giving it...caring other's burdens. I remember shortly after my second miscarriage I was given a book that was such a blessing...healing. I remember reading in it about different seasons in life and how God brings people along during the different seasons....I'll try to explain. It mentioned that sometimes He brings others along to hold our hand and walk beside us, or sometimes to lead us in their experience and their faith, or sometimes to go behind us...supporting and reminding us that we can keep going. It mentioned that sometimes these individuals will be there through many seasons in our life and sometimes they may be there but then fade as we go from one season to the next. I've learned that this is true...at least in my life.
I know there are some friends that I can identify with and connect with no matter what, no matter how long. There are some sweet friends who at one time I've been so close to but then as seasons come and go have realized that the connection is not as strong as it once was. There have been some amazing friends who have offered comfort, support, love, and hope...only through what they've experienced. There have also been friends and others who have prayed in faith on my behalf...when I've not had the faith to pray. And then there are some precious friendships that I'm ashamed to say I've let fade only because I didn't maintain or invest in the friendship...didn't let them know how much they meant to me. God has also taught me though that at some seasons in life it is ok to "let go" of some relationships/friendships and to cherish the blessings from them.
Now, all this is to say that I'm learning and am humbled by the friends and relationships that God has brought and brings into my life. He is teaching me to embrace them and to honor them but to also know that He orchestrates it all...He knows the timing and the ways...He knows who and what He we need to come alongside us...
I share this because there is a sweet friend that has been such a blessing to me. She reminds me so often of the prayers she is lifting up for us. She has shown so much love and support and I'm truly honored to call her friend. There is a connection between us...unspoken but understood...that only God has allowed to be there...in His divine grace and power and ways. I haven't asked her if I can share...God has been laying it on my heart...so hopefully she'll be ok with it. :)
This precious friend is Crystal Keller. Crystal is currently pregnant with a sweet baby girl...Kelsie. It hurts my heart to say that things haven't been the way that Crystal would imagine this experience would go. I don't want to take away from her sweet words...as she shares her heart and story. I do want to say though that the "facts" do not look good for her sweet baby. Crystal is daily faced with the uncertainty, the unknown, the "battle" to not be consumed by the "what if" or the heartache of thinking of her sweet baby's life fading away. Crystal also faces daily the longing to have and love this sweet baby and the desire to be Kelsie's mom. So, I ask that you would please check out her blog and just let her fill you in...www.nomatterwhat-ck.blogspot.com
I share this with you in hopes that you will come alongside Crystal and offer your prayers...on her behalf...in faith. We are so blessed to have the honor of coming before a Heavenly Father who hears our prayers...spoken and those of our heart...our God who know our brokeness, our desires, our hopes...our God who hears when we pray in faith on behalf of others...when they may not have the strength or faith to pray. Although it hurts me to know that she is currently going through one of the hardest times in her life, I can also say that in the name of our God...who is mighty to save, healer, sovereign, faithful...that His hand is holding her...He is working. I ask you to check out her story and to come alongside me, to come alongside her and to pray....
***Disclaimer*** As you may have figured out...if you're a friend, aquaintenance, the Walgreens gal, you're never safe...you never know when you'll be a part of a post...:) Just kidding..not really!! :)
Much love to you!!!!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Just For You....Babb :)
Her favorite pose...leg up in the air kicking :) Much love to you all!!!!
And PS...I started out with the big pics, as you can tell, but as I added more pics, I couldn't figure out how to enlarge them anymore...so hope they show up ok...ha ha..sorry :)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Happy New Year...Belated
Hi!
I know I am way behind in wishing you a Happy New Year...it's still January though so...what the heck...hope your 2012 year is off to a blessed start. I can't believe it's the end of January and even more so, that it's 2012. I can remember when the year 2000 seemed so far ahead...so in the future. I've always heard, and the older I get, the more I realize that time really does fly and life really is short. I mean...wow...2012.
I hear each week it seems of someone that has recently found out they have a terminal illness, or someone doesn't survive an illness they've been battling, or someone young loses their life in a tragedy...and I could go on. I don't intend to dwell on negative. I only mean that these situations are ones I've seen within the past week and they just remind me of what I mentioned earlier...life is so short and not guaranteed. Our pastor spoke a message at the first of January about this...life, time, cherishing each moment and to live like this is our last day, our last year. He mentioned living intentionally and with a purpose.
I don't know if you're like me but I struggle with this. I get caught up it the immediate circumstance, feelings, exhaustion, etc, and I lose focus and intention SO easily. I recently read about having a main goal or focus for each day to try to prevent getting weighed down by all the other minor things during the day...I'll try to explain...each morning I try to pray and ask God what my goal or focus needs to be for that day. He often speaks or leads me, here recently, in "living kindly, or speaking wisely, or living compassionately" for that day. So, I try to keep that in mind throughout the day and to pray throughout the day that I can live this, respond in this manner, and embrace that goal and focus intentionally. I fully intend to embrace that focus or goal that day and you better believe opportunities arise for me to "practice" and obey. I still find myself failing at it and being less than successful...multiple times a day. It also seems as the day goes on that I get more distracted by other stuff and lose focus. I am so thankful for God's grace though and that He does continue to teach...if only I listen and obey.
On another note...update on us and Selah...
She is almost 10 months now...wow! We are so thankful she is staying healthy. She has been fighting off a cold this week but thankfully isn't feeling too bad. She is sitting up by herself now and is more independent each day...she gets that honest. She is tolerating tummy time a little better but doesn't love it. We are working on rolling over but she still has to have assistance with it. She really enjoys books and is turning the pages by herself...for the most part. She is a happy girl...unless she is tired. I am so honored to be home with her and to watch her grow. I am in awe of those sweet eyes that look at me and her sweet smile...truly treasure this! She has a head CT scan scheduled at UMC in early February. We met with the new physician...to the team that would perform the jaw surgery...at UMC and he ordered the CT so he can get some updated and detailed images of her jaw, etc. She will have to be sedated for the scan so I'm not too excited about that. After he gets the images we will meet with him again and discuss his recommendations, a timeline, etc. We will decide after that if UMC is where we will pursue the surgery or not.
We've been so blessed to be home with her and to have her enjoy being here. The thought of her having to be in the hospital, even for just the scan, makes me tear up. I have emotions of heartache, helplessness, and longing that just surface. I guess just from being so thankful to be home and not wanting to have to go back to the hospital. I'm reminded I guess of the surgeries that will lie ahead for her...I think I just put them out of my mind. I have easily thought I've regained "control" over everything and have gotten back in a comfort zone. I mean...we're home, she's healthy, we're enjoying these sweet moments...we've got this...let's not mess with that...is what goes through my head. I find myself not wanting anything to change and certainly not having to consider surgeries, hospital stays, pain for her. This is where I go to playing tug of war with God...struggling with what I think I have control over. He reminds me again though that I don't...probably for the best, but it's SO hard. Time and again I seem to think I can figure it out better or if we did it a way that fits according to my understanding and my plan than it would just go "better."
God is reminding me though that I need to "cease striving" (Psalm 46:10) and to just give it to Him...loosen the grip...or illusion of control I think I have. He reminds me to look back at this time last year...the uncertainty (at least to me) and the circumstances...and how He has worked, how He has provided, how He has protected...how He brought a miracle beyond anything I can ask or imagine. He reminds me to take today and to let Him purge me of all the worry, sense of control, frustration, fear, etc and to just trust, to hope, to cherish today. I do know He is faithful and I just try to rest in that. I hope and pray that in whatever you have going on, you can find God's peace and the truth that He is there.
I do also appreciate your continued support and prayers for us. I've not done well in updating the blog. I've let distractions keep me from it and I am going to try to make it more of a priority. I am honored that I can share our story and about the Heavenly Father I know and what a priveledge it is to live in His grace. I had a sweet friend remind me this week that she checks the blog...a reminder that I need to update more...so this one was for you Jenna :).
Thank you for sharing in this journey with us...much love to you all!
I know I am way behind in wishing you a Happy New Year...it's still January though so...what the heck...hope your 2012 year is off to a blessed start. I can't believe it's the end of January and even more so, that it's 2012. I can remember when the year 2000 seemed so far ahead...so in the future. I've always heard, and the older I get, the more I realize that time really does fly and life really is short. I mean...wow...2012.
I hear each week it seems of someone that has recently found out they have a terminal illness, or someone doesn't survive an illness they've been battling, or someone young loses their life in a tragedy...and I could go on. I don't intend to dwell on negative. I only mean that these situations are ones I've seen within the past week and they just remind me of what I mentioned earlier...life is so short and not guaranteed. Our pastor spoke a message at the first of January about this...life, time, cherishing each moment and to live like this is our last day, our last year. He mentioned living intentionally and with a purpose.
I don't know if you're like me but I struggle with this. I get caught up it the immediate circumstance, feelings, exhaustion, etc, and I lose focus and intention SO easily. I recently read about having a main goal or focus for each day to try to prevent getting weighed down by all the other minor things during the day...I'll try to explain...each morning I try to pray and ask God what my goal or focus needs to be for that day. He often speaks or leads me, here recently, in "living kindly, or speaking wisely, or living compassionately" for that day. So, I try to keep that in mind throughout the day and to pray throughout the day that I can live this, respond in this manner, and embrace that goal and focus intentionally. I fully intend to embrace that focus or goal that day and you better believe opportunities arise for me to "practice" and obey. I still find myself failing at it and being less than successful...multiple times a day. It also seems as the day goes on that I get more distracted by other stuff and lose focus. I am so thankful for God's grace though and that He does continue to teach...if only I listen and obey.
On another note...update on us and Selah...
She is almost 10 months now...wow! We are so thankful she is staying healthy. She has been fighting off a cold this week but thankfully isn't feeling too bad. She is sitting up by herself now and is more independent each day...she gets that honest. She is tolerating tummy time a little better but doesn't love it. We are working on rolling over but she still has to have assistance with it. She really enjoys books and is turning the pages by herself...for the most part. She is a happy girl...unless she is tired. I am so honored to be home with her and to watch her grow. I am in awe of those sweet eyes that look at me and her sweet smile...truly treasure this! She has a head CT scan scheduled at UMC in early February. We met with the new physician...to the team that would perform the jaw surgery...at UMC and he ordered the CT so he can get some updated and detailed images of her jaw, etc. She will have to be sedated for the scan so I'm not too excited about that. After he gets the images we will meet with him again and discuss his recommendations, a timeline, etc. We will decide after that if UMC is where we will pursue the surgery or not.
We've been so blessed to be home with her and to have her enjoy being here. The thought of her having to be in the hospital, even for just the scan, makes me tear up. I have emotions of heartache, helplessness, and longing that just surface. I guess just from being so thankful to be home and not wanting to have to go back to the hospital. I'm reminded I guess of the surgeries that will lie ahead for her...I think I just put them out of my mind. I have easily thought I've regained "control" over everything and have gotten back in a comfort zone. I mean...we're home, she's healthy, we're enjoying these sweet moments...we've got this...let's not mess with that...is what goes through my head. I find myself not wanting anything to change and certainly not having to consider surgeries, hospital stays, pain for her. This is where I go to playing tug of war with God...struggling with what I think I have control over. He reminds me again though that I don't...probably for the best, but it's SO hard. Time and again I seem to think I can figure it out better or if we did it a way that fits according to my understanding and my plan than it would just go "better."
God is reminding me though that I need to "cease striving" (Psalm 46:10) and to just give it to Him...loosen the grip...or illusion of control I think I have. He reminds me to look back at this time last year...the uncertainty (at least to me) and the circumstances...and how He has worked, how He has provided, how He has protected...how He brought a miracle beyond anything I can ask or imagine. He reminds me to take today and to let Him purge me of all the worry, sense of control, frustration, fear, etc and to just trust, to hope, to cherish today. I do know He is faithful and I just try to rest in that. I hope and pray that in whatever you have going on, you can find God's peace and the truth that He is there.
I do also appreciate your continued support and prayers for us. I've not done well in updating the blog. I've let distractions keep me from it and I am going to try to make it more of a priority. I am honored that I can share our story and about the Heavenly Father I know and what a priveledge it is to live in His grace. I had a sweet friend remind me this week that she checks the blog...a reminder that I need to update more...so this one was for you Jenna :).
Thank you for sharing in this journey with us...much love to you all!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
In Remeberance Of...
Hi, hope all is well with ya'll. We're good. Glad to be home and trying to get back into a routine. We're just trying to keep Selah healthy and enjoy this time with her. She's good, growing and becoming more curious everyday. We do appreciate your continued prayers and support...thank you!
This post has been on my heart for a little while now. I've debated on sharing it and thought of a lot of different reasons and excuses not to. But, God has persistently been leading me to share it. Again, He reminds me it's not my understanding of it that matters really...more obedience to Him in faith and trust. So, here we go :)...
I've shared in previous post about some of our story and the hurts in it...they will always be a part of me...thankfully there is also God's healing and grace...for all of it. As time has gone by, I've met people and made friends that have some part of their story that makes them able to relate to mine. It's amazing how God works and brings others alongside you...little do we know what He is up to. In sharing this I do not intend anything but to share that along the way I've encountered so many different people and situations...specific to the longing to be a family, to have that heart's desire..to be a mom. Although this is more specific to children and family, it's still relative to having desires and what seem to be unanswered prayers and questions...I hope :).
I just wanted to share a few stories...briefly and in confidence...
I have an amazing friend who longs to be a mom and yet time and again only faces the disappointment of that heart's desire being unfufilled...the "why" still lingers. Another friend, who for so long didn't believe that her prayers would ever be answered, celebrates her precious miracle. I have another friend that has experienced the heartache of miscarriages and loss and yet now has a beautiful family...her heart's desire...but still the sting of the past hurts remains. I have a precious friend that has experienced the hurt of miscarriage and yet is now trying so hard to not let the past hurt, fear, and uncertainty consume and steal the joy of this pregnancy. There's another sweet friend who in faith walks and trust in God's providence...not in her own understanding. There's some precious friends who seem to only know blessings in their story...thankfully not the heartbreak and loss. And yet there are some friends who still feel like the past hurts are too raw and too real...to try again...to go back to the pain...if it happens again.
In all of these stories I know and claim that God is there. I know in my story He is here. At times I question and at times I wonder but I know He is here. So, with this I share and pray that you or someone you can share this with will be blessed, encouraged, and reassured that God hears...God answers...in His timing and in His ways...this is in rememberance of my story, of my precious friends' stories, of your story...
God led me in writing this...little did I know as a way of healing...
"Prayer From The Heart"...2009
God, thank you that you are a Heavenly Father who cares for us. Thank you that you are a God of hope and healing and a God of comfort and peace. I thank you for your grace and for the blessing of knowing you.
Lord, you are creator of all and everything comes from your hands. Father, I come before you knowing that you care for me. I approach you knowing that your love for me guarantees that your plan and purpose for me are for good.
Father, I also come before you broken, hurting, disappointed, and empty. God, you are the giver of life and joy but it is too hard to see right now. The emotions, hurt, anger, sadness, and questions are consuming me. God, the desire to be a mom and my shattered dreams are so real. God, I don't understand how this can be, God I can't do this.
I know you, I serve you, and I love you. I am capable and willing to be a loving mom. Spencer would be an amazing father. We are willing to provide a loving home for a child. I have a desire to be a mom. So, God how can this be? God, these questions and so many more resonate in my heart and mind.
God, if I am unable to have a child then will this desire and longing ever go away? God, will I always have a sting in my heart and just want to cry when I hear of someone finding out their pregnant or talking about hearing a heartbeat at their ultrasound? Will this feeling of the walls closing in on me when I am surrounded by moms-to-be and new moms ever stop? Will passing the ultrasound room where the hurt originated ever be less painful? Will I always dread going to my doctor's office because of the abundance of pregnant ladies or new moms? God, will I ever want to hold a baby again? God, will this always hurt so much?
God, I know it isn't anyone's fault but it's not my fault for feeling this way. I don't know how to go back to how I was before...the miscarriages. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to let you heal me. Please help me...
"God's Response"...He spoke to me...
My child, this is part of healing. You have to acknowledge your feelings, your pain, your questions. I know you are hurting. I know you don't understand, but I do. I understand what it is to lose a child. My one and only son was given to death...but not eternally. He lives again, and this was done for you and for your child. Your child is not lost, for you will see them again, hear their heartbeat again, hold them...not in your time but in mine. It is okay to feel the sadness, anger, hurt, and disappointment. It is okay to feel a longing for a child. It is okay to have questions. Be gentle with yourself and let me heal you. I have never left you and I never will. I love you, I delight in you, and call you by name. My plans for you are for good and hope. Even though you don't understand, rest in my grace. As you rest in me, your child and desires rest with me. Yet again, you will meet and what a joyous and tender moment it will be. For now, my love, which surpasses all understanding, will hold you and carry you through...Love, God
God's promises in His word...He led me to...
"When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through the rivers of difficulty, you will not drown." Isaiah 43:2
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trust in Him and I am helped." Psalm 28:7
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15
Much love to you...I pray you know God's hand over you, holding you, reaching out to you...He is there...:)
This post has been on my heart for a little while now. I've debated on sharing it and thought of a lot of different reasons and excuses not to. But, God has persistently been leading me to share it. Again, He reminds me it's not my understanding of it that matters really...more obedience to Him in faith and trust. So, here we go :)...
I've shared in previous post about some of our story and the hurts in it...they will always be a part of me...thankfully there is also God's healing and grace...for all of it. As time has gone by, I've met people and made friends that have some part of their story that makes them able to relate to mine. It's amazing how God works and brings others alongside you...little do we know what He is up to. In sharing this I do not intend anything but to share that along the way I've encountered so many different people and situations...specific to the longing to be a family, to have that heart's desire..to be a mom. Although this is more specific to children and family, it's still relative to having desires and what seem to be unanswered prayers and questions...I hope :).
I just wanted to share a few stories...briefly and in confidence...
I have an amazing friend who longs to be a mom and yet time and again only faces the disappointment of that heart's desire being unfufilled...the "why" still lingers. Another friend, who for so long didn't believe that her prayers would ever be answered, celebrates her precious miracle. I have another friend that has experienced the heartache of miscarriages and loss and yet now has a beautiful family...her heart's desire...but still the sting of the past hurts remains. I have a precious friend that has experienced the hurt of miscarriage and yet is now trying so hard to not let the past hurt, fear, and uncertainty consume and steal the joy of this pregnancy. There's another sweet friend who in faith walks and trust in God's providence...not in her own understanding. There's some precious friends who seem to only know blessings in their story...thankfully not the heartbreak and loss. And yet there are some friends who still feel like the past hurts are too raw and too real...to try again...to go back to the pain...if it happens again.
In all of these stories I know and claim that God is there. I know in my story He is here. At times I question and at times I wonder but I know He is here. So, with this I share and pray that you or someone you can share this with will be blessed, encouraged, and reassured that God hears...God answers...in His timing and in His ways...this is in rememberance of my story, of my precious friends' stories, of your story...
God led me in writing this...little did I know as a way of healing...
"Prayer From The Heart"...2009
God, thank you that you are a Heavenly Father who cares for us. Thank you that you are a God of hope and healing and a God of comfort and peace. I thank you for your grace and for the blessing of knowing you.
Lord, you are creator of all and everything comes from your hands. Father, I come before you knowing that you care for me. I approach you knowing that your love for me guarantees that your plan and purpose for me are for good.
Father, I also come before you broken, hurting, disappointed, and empty. God, you are the giver of life and joy but it is too hard to see right now. The emotions, hurt, anger, sadness, and questions are consuming me. God, the desire to be a mom and my shattered dreams are so real. God, I don't understand how this can be, God I can't do this.
I know you, I serve you, and I love you. I am capable and willing to be a loving mom. Spencer would be an amazing father. We are willing to provide a loving home for a child. I have a desire to be a mom. So, God how can this be? God, these questions and so many more resonate in my heart and mind.
God, if I am unable to have a child then will this desire and longing ever go away? God, will I always have a sting in my heart and just want to cry when I hear of someone finding out their pregnant or talking about hearing a heartbeat at their ultrasound? Will this feeling of the walls closing in on me when I am surrounded by moms-to-be and new moms ever stop? Will passing the ultrasound room where the hurt originated ever be less painful? Will I always dread going to my doctor's office because of the abundance of pregnant ladies or new moms? God, will I ever want to hold a baby again? God, will this always hurt so much?
God, I know it isn't anyone's fault but it's not my fault for feeling this way. I don't know how to go back to how I was before...the miscarriages. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to let you heal me. Please help me...
"God's Response"...He spoke to me...
My child, this is part of healing. You have to acknowledge your feelings, your pain, your questions. I know you are hurting. I know you don't understand, but I do. I understand what it is to lose a child. My one and only son was given to death...but not eternally. He lives again, and this was done for you and for your child. Your child is not lost, for you will see them again, hear their heartbeat again, hold them...not in your time but in mine. It is okay to feel the sadness, anger, hurt, and disappointment. It is okay to feel a longing for a child. It is okay to have questions. Be gentle with yourself and let me heal you. I have never left you and I never will. I love you, I delight in you, and call you by name. My plans for you are for good and hope. Even though you don't understand, rest in my grace. As you rest in me, your child and desires rest with me. Yet again, you will meet and what a joyous and tender moment it will be. For now, my love, which surpasses all understanding, will hold you and carry you through...Love, God
God's promises in His word...He led me to...
"When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through the rivers of difficulty, you will not drown." Isaiah 43:2
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trust in Him and I am helped." Psalm 28:7
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15
Much love to you...I pray you know God's hand over you, holding you, reaching out to you...He is there...:)
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Up To Date
Hi!
I've meant to get on and update you but I've not done so well..sorry! We've had some busy past few weeks. Selah's reflux continued to get worse despite all the measures we were taking. So, we all decided that it was best to proceed with stomach surgery for her...to try to help the reflux. It was something Spencer and I were hesitant about proceeding with...initially...but it just seemed to be more confirmation each day that it was the best thing to do. So, she had the Nissen Fundoplication...probably misspelled...done last Friday, Nov. 4th. The surgery went well and we are back home now and we are thankful for that. She is still fussy and not herself really...don't know if she's still sore or tired...unsure. We pray she'll continue to be healed and feel better. We had to come home on a different feeding method than what we're used to. We're gradually increasing the amount of her feeds as well as trying to get her back to how she "used" to feed...hard to explain what's different. We pray she'll continue to tolerate it all and that we'll be able to transition her before too long. So, that's where we're at. We are all tired but SO thankful to be home!
Selah is a tough girl and she definitely gets her "spunk" honestly...unfortunately it's from me :). She seems to be hanging in there and we are not living in continuous streams of projectile vomit...yeah! That is a blessing! We just want her to feel better and smile and be the happy girl she typically is...gets the gentle and laid back nature from daddy. As I type that it reminds me of something God has been teaching me today and here lately...hope I can make it "flow" together...
Today at church the message was base on James 4:13-16. Our pastor discussed how our life and time is not really ours to manage or control....how short life is. I came home and read over the scripture again. As I read it and prayed, God spoke to me as I journaled. He spoke that things that come into my life, through the different seasons, do not need to be feared or dreaded. He spoke that often I fight things that I don't like or things out of my routine or agenda and that I freak out in the face of uncertainty. I thought about this and prayed and just begged God to help me. I don't want to fight any longer. I don't want to leave the legacy for Selah as a woman who is grumpy and discontent when things are hard, uncertain, or not going according to my ways. I want to be a woman who may not like it all or understand it all but yet praises God, trust God, thanks God, and rest in God...in ALL of it. He spoke that it's in these times...when things are hard, I'm tired, it's not ideal...that is when it counts, that's when it matters...how I react and what I do with my time.
Now that she's had the surgery and we're back home it seems that although I'm thankful she's not vomiting, I'm not content with not feeding her like "normal" or because I'm so tired or she's not herself. I heard today's message and read on my own and God just reminded me that He has got it. He spoke not to dread it or view it as something else that's not right but to thank Him instead. When I thank Him then He becomes the focus...His power is invited in...I'm reminded that although this is so unnatural and hard for me, He knows that and yet when I am intentional about doing it...He is able to do more than I can fathom....
Now, I began to think of another teaching "lesson" that happened just before her surgery. The vomiting began to interfere with her sleeping at night and in the day. This one day she was so tired and so fussy. I put her down for a nap and she just kept fighting it. She cried and fussed and vomited and was so upset. I wiped the vomit away and suctioned her and tried to clean her up. I tried to calm her and tell her it was ok...with little success. I sat down beside the bed and just let her lay there. I silently prayed and spoke to her..."Selah, quit fighting it, fighting me. Just close your eyes and rest. You need it baby and I'm hear and I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to protect you and I love you. Please just rest." As I sat there with tears streaming down my face, God spoke, "Blair, quit fighting it, fighting me. I AM...I am not going anywhere. I am here to protect you and her. Blair, rest in me, let go and just rest." I just sat there and tried to just let these words, this truth just penetrate through everything else.
On another note, we were supposed to go to Arkansas for a consult about her jaw surgery the week she had the stomach surgery. That trip was postponed until we hopefully get all this settled. We will meet with the new doctor joining the team at UMC in December hopefully...to discuss the jaw surgery. We may also reschedule the consult at Arkansas. I figure nothing in regards to the surgery will be pursued until after the holidays. We hope to enjoy being home over the holiday season.
We cannot tell you how much your prayers and support mean...thank you so much more than you know! Much love!!!
I've meant to get on and update you but I've not done so well..sorry! We've had some busy past few weeks. Selah's reflux continued to get worse despite all the measures we were taking. So, we all decided that it was best to proceed with stomach surgery for her...to try to help the reflux. It was something Spencer and I were hesitant about proceeding with...initially...but it just seemed to be more confirmation each day that it was the best thing to do. So, she had the Nissen Fundoplication...probably misspelled...done last Friday, Nov. 4th. The surgery went well and we are back home now and we are thankful for that. She is still fussy and not herself really...don't know if she's still sore or tired...unsure. We pray she'll continue to be healed and feel better. We had to come home on a different feeding method than what we're used to. We're gradually increasing the amount of her feeds as well as trying to get her back to how she "used" to feed...hard to explain what's different. We pray she'll continue to tolerate it all and that we'll be able to transition her before too long. So, that's where we're at. We are all tired but SO thankful to be home!
Selah is a tough girl and she definitely gets her "spunk" honestly...unfortunately it's from me :). She seems to be hanging in there and we are not living in continuous streams of projectile vomit...yeah! That is a blessing! We just want her to feel better and smile and be the happy girl she typically is...gets the gentle and laid back nature from daddy. As I type that it reminds me of something God has been teaching me today and here lately...hope I can make it "flow" together...
Today at church the message was base on James 4:13-16. Our pastor discussed how our life and time is not really ours to manage or control....how short life is. I came home and read over the scripture again. As I read it and prayed, God spoke to me as I journaled. He spoke that things that come into my life, through the different seasons, do not need to be feared or dreaded. He spoke that often I fight things that I don't like or things out of my routine or agenda and that I freak out in the face of uncertainty. I thought about this and prayed and just begged God to help me. I don't want to fight any longer. I don't want to leave the legacy for Selah as a woman who is grumpy and discontent when things are hard, uncertain, or not going according to my ways. I want to be a woman who may not like it all or understand it all but yet praises God, trust God, thanks God, and rest in God...in ALL of it. He spoke that it's in these times...when things are hard, I'm tired, it's not ideal...that is when it counts, that's when it matters...how I react and what I do with my time.
Now that she's had the surgery and we're back home it seems that although I'm thankful she's not vomiting, I'm not content with not feeding her like "normal" or because I'm so tired or she's not herself. I heard today's message and read on my own and God just reminded me that He has got it. He spoke not to dread it or view it as something else that's not right but to thank Him instead. When I thank Him then He becomes the focus...His power is invited in...I'm reminded that although this is so unnatural and hard for me, He knows that and yet when I am intentional about doing it...He is able to do more than I can fathom....
Now, I began to think of another teaching "lesson" that happened just before her surgery. The vomiting began to interfere with her sleeping at night and in the day. This one day she was so tired and so fussy. I put her down for a nap and she just kept fighting it. She cried and fussed and vomited and was so upset. I wiped the vomit away and suctioned her and tried to clean her up. I tried to calm her and tell her it was ok...with little success. I sat down beside the bed and just let her lay there. I silently prayed and spoke to her..."Selah, quit fighting it, fighting me. Just close your eyes and rest. You need it baby and I'm hear and I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to protect you and I love you. Please just rest." As I sat there with tears streaming down my face, God spoke, "Blair, quit fighting it, fighting me. I AM...I am not going anywhere. I am here to protect you and her. Blair, rest in me, let go and just rest." I just sat there and tried to just let these words, this truth just penetrate through everything else.
On another note, we were supposed to go to Arkansas for a consult about her jaw surgery the week she had the stomach surgery. That trip was postponed until we hopefully get all this settled. We will meet with the new doctor joining the team at UMC in December hopefully...to discuss the jaw surgery. We may also reschedule the consult at Arkansas. I figure nothing in regards to the surgery will be pursued until after the holidays. We hope to enjoy being home over the holiday season.
We cannot tell you how much your prayers and support mean...thank you so much more than you know! Much love!!!
Monday, October 10, 2011
More pictures... :)
Hi!!
Here lately I've been reminded and humbled while remembering how blessed we truly are and how amazing this journey has been. I was looking back at some pictures during my pregnancy and it just hit...how God's hand doesn't ever let go...ever. I thought I'd just share a few pictures. :)
Here lately I've been reminded and humbled while remembering how blessed we truly are and how amazing this journey has been. I was looking back at some pictures during my pregnancy and it just hit...how God's hand doesn't ever let go...ever. I thought I'd just share a few pictures. :)
Debated on posting this but...what the heck...Selah's in that big tummy!
I didn't want this to be "too much" but it was such a personal and tender moment...thinking of our hopes and dreams...trying to not let the uncertainty consume us...trying to enjoy this sweet experience. 
One of the first pictures taken of Selah...oh how God has protected this sweet girl!
Another one of the first pictures of Selah...she looks so fragile...she is far from it though! 
First time she got to wear clothes...she wasn't a fan of getting them on...or off :)
One of first family pictures...in the UMC NICU
First days after we arrived home...she's probably just as unsure of what's going on as we were
Few months old and much more alert
Five months old and actually beginning to "tolerate" her hearing aid...I got a smile
Six months old...she's a big girl now...and yes, she's naked!! 
Family picture...thankful for these momentsThank you for your love and continued support and prayers! Much love to you!!!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Special Moment
On Sunday, September 18th we were able to celebrate Selah's baby dedication at our church here in Hattiesburg. It was a special day...a longed for and prayed for moment. For a long while now I've sat in the audience and watched the family on stage while they celebrated their baby dedication. I would be thankful for their celebration but at the same time my heart would break for the two miscarriages we've had and the shattered dreams and hopes that came along with those experiences. My heart would ache for the family and baby we've wanted and I would sit there, fighting back tears, silently asking God if we would ever be "the family on the stage"...having that moment...that celebration. Well, we were blessed to share that moment and we are truly thankful and humbled. Now, I have to give you a little recap of the morning of. We fed Selah very early hoping that all the vomit she does would come up and be done with before the service...due to her reflux. We took her in nothing but her diaper so she didn't soak her clothes if she spit up...so we had our "fashion show" in the car when we got there...trying to decide what to wear. We brought her headband/bow but forgot her shoes. She managed to get hold of her headband though and unraveled some of it...under her daddy's watch :). We made it though...on time! It was a special moment seeing Jeff...our pastor...hold her and pray over her too. He came to see her when she was in the UMC NICU and he prayed over her...they also have the same birthday...so he says they have a special bond. She did so good...no vomit. The verse we've claimed over her and the one she and I read daily now was the verse read. We stood there and I tried to take it all in instead of trying to have it all "together"...to take in the moment...to just be in awe of the grace that's gotten us here.
On that note, I was in the car shortly after her dedication and a song that is such a blessing came on K-LOVE. It's by David Crowder..."Oh How He Loves"...I think. There's a line or two that really sticks out and resonates in my mind quite often..."Oh how He loves...and all of the sudden I am aware of all the afflictions eclipsed by glory...oh how He loves"... There's been several times where God has spoken through these words but on this day He spoke specific to Selah and the dedication and being able to celebrate that moment. From the beginning of the pregnancy it was uncertain how things would go...at least to us it was...not Him. At delivery it was uncertain as to how it will all work out. Now as we face daily things and as I look into the future...surgeries, her health and development, how it will all work out...it seems uncertain. But, when I stop and think and listen to Him I am reminded that none of it is uncertain to Him. He reminded me of the many "afflictions eclipsed by glory" that have occured and still are...things that could've happened but haven't, blessings all around us. All of the sudden my awareness of them was awakened...wake up Blair. For example, her reflux has been really bad...or so it seems. Despite it though she isn't aspirating and she hasn't gotten pneumonia...she's staying healthy, gaining weight, and she's at home instead of having to be in the hospital...an affliction eclipsed by His glory and goodness, His grace... I hope this makes sense????
So, all that to say, we are so thankful for where we are at right now in all of it. Yes, my faith and hope fade at times and my strength definitely does. But again, God reminds me to rest in Him, to "cease striving," and to be thankful by faith and trust...He has got it...
A verse I read the other day really stuck out, specific to this topic. I'm going to share how He spoke to me and I hope it makes sense...
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights" Habakkuk 3:17-19
....though circumstances are uncertain and how things will work out are unseen...God provides...though things aren't going according to "my" plans or all as I would have it...God calls me to be thankful in faith and trust and joy and peace then reside in me...we will not be consumed or overwhelmed in any of it and we will not be defeated...He is holding us and His hand is on us....He calls us to enjoy the sweet moments along the way....:)
Much Love to you!!!
On that note, I was in the car shortly after her dedication and a song that is such a blessing came on K-LOVE. It's by David Crowder..."Oh How He Loves"...I think. There's a line or two that really sticks out and resonates in my mind quite often..."Oh how He loves...and all of the sudden I am aware of all the afflictions eclipsed by glory...oh how He loves"... There's been several times where God has spoken through these words but on this day He spoke specific to Selah and the dedication and being able to celebrate that moment. From the beginning of the pregnancy it was uncertain how things would go...at least to us it was...not Him. At delivery it was uncertain as to how it will all work out. Now as we face daily things and as I look into the future...surgeries, her health and development, how it will all work out...it seems uncertain. But, when I stop and think and listen to Him I am reminded that none of it is uncertain to Him. He reminded me of the many "afflictions eclipsed by glory" that have occured and still are...things that could've happened but haven't, blessings all around us. All of the sudden my awareness of them was awakened...wake up Blair. For example, her reflux has been really bad...or so it seems. Despite it though she isn't aspirating and she hasn't gotten pneumonia...she's staying healthy, gaining weight, and she's at home instead of having to be in the hospital...an affliction eclipsed by His glory and goodness, His grace... I hope this makes sense????
So, all that to say, we are so thankful for where we are at right now in all of it. Yes, my faith and hope fade at times and my strength definitely does. But again, God reminds me to rest in Him, to "cease striving," and to be thankful by faith and trust...He has got it...
A verse I read the other day really stuck out, specific to this topic. I'm going to share how He spoke to me and I hope it makes sense...
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights" Habakkuk 3:17-19
....though circumstances are uncertain and how things will work out are unseen...God provides...though things aren't going according to "my" plans or all as I would have it...God calls me to be thankful in faith and trust and joy and peace then reside in me...we will not be consumed or overwhelmed in any of it and we will not be defeated...He is holding us and His hand is on us....He calls us to enjoy the sweet moments along the way....:)
Much Love to you!!!
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