Daily Armor...Brighter Days

"Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take up the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occassions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."
Ephesians 6: 10-18
This is such a powerful and practical section of scripture. It's the "Armor of God" and here lately I try to pray it over myself, Spencer, our marriage, friends, family, etc. daily. I pray it out loud, claim it out loud, and visualize it over who or what I am praying for. I've read and prayed through asking God to speak, and he has shown me the power and need for it...especially in these past few weeks.
We have been home a few weeks now...yea! As I mentioned in an earlier post, it has gotten better :). We are tired but as I understand...welcome to parenthood :). We have gotten more of a routine and that helps. Selah seems to be adjusting well and it is truly a blessing to have her here at home! There are still moments though that I wish for us to be able to get out of the house together or to be able to go and do how we used to. There are moments where I wish things were "easier" for Selah now and in the future. This is not a complaint by any means...just human nature I think...but I am truly thankful for this experience. It has been adjustment though. Due to hormones, sleep deprivation, anxiety, and more, the first week or so was pretty rough. Things have gotten a little more settled and less "intense" too...emotionally that is. My "bestie," Jill, has been fabulous at talking me through some of the emotions and feelings and has really helped in reminding me that I am "normal"...thank you friend, love you! I know that we have been covered in prayer also and we can truly say thank you and that it makes a difference. The calls, texts, meals, visits also show your support and have been a blessing...thank you!
Despite the abudance of love and support though, darkness has tried to take over, and I am sure as we journey on, will try again. What I mean by darkness is feelings of isolation, loneliness, fear, anxiety, selfishness, jealousy, sadness...despair. Now these feelings may all be justified and normal but none of them are of our Heavenly Father...especially when they're prolonged and consistent. They have been battling for my mind, heart, and spirit though...and it's a fierce battle. I can only say I have been less than pleasant to live with...just ask Spencer :). Anyway, as I have try to "deal" with all these feelings and "darkness," I continue to fail...trying to win this battle on my own is just not working. As I've taken time to seek God and listen and look for him, he has yet again led me away from "my ways and thinking" to his. He has been teaching me the importance of this "battle" and clothing myself or equipping myself with his armor, his truth, his power, his strength...making my thoughts "captive to him." He has taught me that although these feelings are normal, they are not healthy and not of him. He has led me to daily, throughout the day, pray and claim his armor over myself, my mind, my entire being. My thoughts, behavior, reactions, desires become transformed and as I have responded to his leading, a lightness has began to fill me and his joy and hope and peace have begun to fill me again...leading to brighter days. This "battle" is something he is using to teach me that I cannot combat the feelings, the circumstances, or anything else solo...only in his power and strength...suited up in his mighty armor.
Now praying the armor and visualizing during prayer may seem like a strange concept but there is power in it. Praying it out loud and claiming it out loud has power that Satan cannot defeat. It is something that I often forget, but God has been reminding me, that the treasures in my life are "worth" it...my mind, my spirit, my marriage, my family, my friends. As this has been occurring, the tension has lessened between Spencer and I, there is true joy in looking into Selah's beautiful eyes as I care for her, there is hope where things seemed so hopless, there is joy where there is sadness, there is an awareness again of the amazing blessings and support surrounding us....his Spirit is working on transforming the "dark" into "light" in me...only by me yielding to him.
...On another note...:)
Selah's jaw distraction surgery is set for July 25th. Anxious, worried, sad...are only a few of the emotions battling for my mind and thoughts when I think of this surgery and the ones to come. She is home, settled, growing, doing "good" with her trach...so why "mess" with this...going through my mind. The thought of her being in the hospital and hurting breaks my heart. But it is recommended to proceed with the procedure in hopes that it will open up her airway. So it is something I am truly trying to give to God...don't even know the words to pray about it...just silently come before him and lift her up.
We also have a "loaner" hearing aid she is wearing temporarily...yes she's rockin an aid on a soft pink headband that has "demo" on it...we're truly thankful for the opportunity to borrow it!!! :)We are not sure the extent of her hearing loss so we are not certain what hearing aid and methods will benefit her best. As she grows and further testing is done, we hope to find out more. So, for now we're letting her wear this aid and trying to see how she responds.
So that's about it for now. We still go to some doctor visits and just hang out at home...keeping her out of that "unsterile" public, lol! We are truly thankful to be home!
Thank you for your love, prayers and support!!!